She was biking to her
job, as always. It was a normal day in her life, a day that would not change.
Everything the same, everything boring as she used to think. Her name was Susy
a little bacteria from Revod planet. She had a really common life as almost everyone
in her planet, and as it was pretty small they know each other well. It was something
that really bothered her. Sometimes she wanted to be alone or could go to the
supermarket in pajamas without worrying about that will see her, but it was an impossible
thing in such a small planet.
Bacteria from Revod
planet live in small caves of solid carbon and nitrogen; and Susy is not the
exception; she and the rest of bacteria feed principally of water and mutant algae
named “puibs”. The transport in this planet could be in bikes of uranium or big
bubbles of methane, like a public service.
She does not like the
monotony on her life, as she woke up every day, took a shower and shampoo her
hair with phylum acid. Then had some breakfast at Jonny`s place, and again to
her job. Where she did always the same, watching for the clocks of the police
station, wind them, and clean them. I think it is important for you to know
that as it was a bacterial planet it is dirty all time, anyway they did not get
sick as they were bacteria too, but they needed to be clean.
She worked three long
hours a day, and she got exhausted. Revod planet is really far from the sun so
they do not have a lot of sunshine, only five hours a day. It is important for
all the bacteria to take at least two hours of sunshine, so they would not die.
That is why Susy biked to her job so she could take more sunshine in less
time.
It was Tuesday, but not
whatever Tuesday, It was Susy’s birthday number 999. She knew that she had to
work, but she hoped that at night, her family and friends will celebrate with
her. However, in the middle of her job, she received a call that turned her
blue; her mother was very sick and needed with urgency a doctor.
Susy went to her mother`s
house by bubble (in order to arrive faster), called a doctor. He was attended
her mother, and gave her a diagnosis: “Susy, your mother had a strange illness
caused by eating puibs in poor condition. She will be ok if you give her some
medicine; this isn´t cheap, but is the only solution”. She was saving some
money to buy a new bike, " If mom hadn't eaten this puibs, I would have
bought my bike" she thought, but then she thought in her mother and paid
the medicine; then the doctor said to her that the treatment will be very long,
Susy began felling worried.
One day, she woke up
and sensed that something had changed. She was amazed because she didn't see
anything. She wished that all were a dream, but not. She recalled that she was
forced to sell all the furniture, because she had to pay another part of the
expensive medicine for her mother. She was so worried about this situation, but
she faces it and just move on. She can’t stop thinking about her mother, but
she can’t just stop her life that easy.
Susy wondered everyday
about how to get more money for her mother`s medicine. One day she was really desperate,
and a coworker told her, about the beach, and how beautiful it was. He advised her
on going there to relax, and Susy considered it. As I told you before the
planet was extremely small and she could go biking. Once there she wondered why
being so close to such beautiful place, she had not come before.
The little bacterium was contemplating the wonderful landscape when suddenly a big and really weird ball appeared in the sky. It moved slowly and looked like if someone was controlling it. She followed the ball until it stopped in a huge manufacture. Outside was an old man bacterium and Susy asked him about the ball. He invited her to go inside, where she could see a lot of those estrange balls. They were of every color, size and shape.
The old man bacterium, Milo, explained to Susy that they were meteorites and he could control it by remote, but some have gone outside the planet and are now flying in the universe. He told her that it was a great option to travel to other planets. He talked to Susy about green planets, poor planets, rich planets, planets full of flowers, planets with different shapes and went on. No matter what else he said after hearing about rich planets Susy was sure she needed one of those.
The little bacterium was contemplating the wonderful landscape when suddenly a big and really weird ball appeared in the sky. It moved slowly and looked like if someone was controlling it. She followed the ball until it stopped in a huge manufacture. Outside was an old man bacterium and Susy asked him about the ball. He invited her to go inside, where she could see a lot of those estrange balls. They were of every color, size and shape.
The old man bacterium, Milo, explained to Susy that they were meteorites and he could control it by remote, but some have gone outside the planet and are now flying in the universe. He told her that it was a great option to travel to other planets. He talked to Susy about green planets, poor planets, rich planets, planets full of flowers, planets with different shapes and went on. No matter what else he said after hearing about rich planets Susy was sure she needed one of those.
Susy asked to Mr. Milo if it is possible
that she drove one of those meteorites, and he said yes only if she train for
at least 8 months, time that she didn´t have. In the eagerness to get money,
Susy made a plan to steal a meteorite and arrive to the rich planet mentioned
by Mr. Milo. For this, she requested her coworker;
his role would be misleading to the manufactory´s guards and take care to her
mother while she comes back. Susy, would steal a
meteorite which she didn´t know how to use. After 2 days, the plan started and
she went out of Revod planet. Unfortunately, 2 hours later, she lost the
control of the meteorite, changing her direction. Susy was scared. And so, very
quickly, she crushed with a planet´s atmosphere and the meteorite disintegrated.
When she arrived to the surface, and went out of the remains of the meteorite,
she found a new world, which, she didn´t imagine, it was the beginning of a new
life, a future life that will become the human race.
Very good! Your story goes growing into emotion and finishes into an unexpected finish that makes it really good and interesting. I made some corrections, but this were few mainly on tense and subject consistency, check the file I sent you.
ResponderEliminarBest,
Elkin Moreno